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People who have influence over our lives are influential because they consistently challenge us to become better versions of ourselves.
Think about the people who have had the greatest influence and impact on your life. These people probably consistently challenged you to step outside your comfort zone and raise your standards of performance. Moreover, they helped you grow and develop into the person you are today.
To become an influential figure in other people’s lives, we must consistently challenge them to become the best versions of themselves – each day and in every situation. This, of course, doesn’t mean setting inconceivably high standards and expectations for others. We should not be the ones setting these standards and expectations. Our role is to simply nudge the person to raise their own standards and expectations of what’s possible.
This does not necessarily require challenging people on a surface or superficial level. It’s rather about going deep and impacting their lives in transformative and lasting ways.
Consider for a moment that the people who have had the greatest impact on your life were often the people who challenged you to build nurturing, supportive, and mutually beneficial relationships. They were the people who challenged you to build empowering habits and rituals. They were the ones who challenged you to learn from your failures, mistakes, and setbacks. And they were the ones who challenged you to demonstrate impeccable character when facing adversity.
We all long for people to believe in us – to believe in our ability that we can become better versions of ourselves in various situations. And when someone challenges us to become that “better version” of ourselves, that instantly generates a positive response.
We must, however, be cautious. This is not about challenging the other person to become a better version of who we want them to be. But rather about challenging them to become the best version they see themselves becoming. It’s, therefore, not about what you or I want, but rather about what the other person wants for themselves.
It’s true, of course, that some people don’t have a great deal of self-belief or simply can’t imagine the bigger picture. They, therefore, don’t quite understand what they’re capable of. It, however, only takes one person to believe in them for things to swiftly turnaround. And it’s that acknowledgment of “I believe in you” that begins the cycle of influence and change.
It’s the people who believe in us that have the greatest influence and impact on our lives. And it’s also these same individuals who challenge us more than anyone else. They challenge us because they believe that we are far more capable than we give ourselves credit.
To have influence, we must, therefore, consistently challenge people to become the best versions of themselves. We must, however, do so for their benefit, not for our own.
Tactical Questions to Ask Yourself…
Here are several tactical questions to ask yourself that will help you put these ideas into daily practice.
To fully integrate these concepts into our lives, we will need to turn these questions into progressive and achievable action steps. And one way to begin doing that is to write out answers to each question in a workbook or journal. Only in this way will we gain the necessary clarity we need to make lasting changes.
If you have a limited amount of time, then I would suggest to just focus on the questions highlighted in blue.
How could I challenge this person to become a better version of themselves?
How could I challenge this person in a fun and creative way?
What value will this person gain from this challenge? How will they benefit?
How will this challenge change this person and/or help transform their life?
How can I challenge this person to raise their standards of performance?
How can I challenge this person to strive for excellence in everything they do?
How can I challenge this person to learn from their failures and mistakes?
How can I challenge this person to demonstrate impeccable character in this situation?
How can I challenge this person to build empowering and valuable habits and rituals?
How can I challenge this person to build nurturing and mutually supportive relationships?
How can I challenge this person to make a more thoughtful decision in this situation?
How can I challenge this person to think critically and objectively about this situation?
How can I challenge this person to think outside the box about their circumstances?
How can I challenge this person to make the best of this situation?
How can I challenge this person to view this situation from a different perspective?
How can I challenge them to act courageously?
Develop Influence by Leading People
People who have influence over our lives are influential because of their strong and empowering leadership qualities. They not only lead by example but also inspire others to support and follow their vision of a compelling future.
Think about the people who have had the greatest influence and impact on your life. You likely saw these people as leaders, and therefore, often turned to them for guidance and direction.
Leadership always begins with a compelling vision. With that in mind, we need to present the people we seek to influence a compelling vision of the future – a vision that is greater than themselves.
There must, however, be value in this vision for the other person. They must understand what’s involved, how they can contribute to bringing that vision to life, and what’s ultimately in it for them.
When people work towards a grander vision, they are working towards something greater than themselves. And a leader understands the importance of translating that message across to others.
To lead effectively, you must equip people with adequate knowledge, skills, and tools that will help them to get things done or achieve a desired objective. Yes, leaders lead, but ultimately, they serve others by providing them with everything they need to grow and develop into the best version of themselves.
To become an influential leader, you must be authentic, vulnerable, and encouraging. Being authentic makes you more amicable. Being vulnerable helps you connect with people on a deeper emotional level. And being encouraging builds respect and admiration.
Furthermore, people are often drawn to leaders who are enthusiastic, joyful, and lighthearted. Being all these things makes you more approachable and naturally entices people to follow you.
Ultimately, as a leader, you need to trust people’s judgment and give them freedom of expression. And that, of course, comes down to empowerment. Leaders influence people by empowering them. In other words, they strive to get the very best from everyone in every situation.
Tactical Questions to Ask Yourself…
Here are several tactical questions to ask yourself that will help you put these ideas into daily practice.
To fully integrate these concepts into our lives, we will need to turn these questions into progressive and achievable action steps. And one way to begin doing that is to write out answers to each question in a workbook or journal. Only in this way will we gain the necessary clarity we need to make lasting changes.
If you have a limited amount of time, then I would suggest to just focus on the questions highlighted in blue.
How could I empower this person to become a better version of themselves?
What’s my compelling vision for the future?
What’s the grander purpose for this vision? What will people be working towards?
How do I imagine this person contributing to this vision?
How can I convince this person to get on board and support my vision?
What value and benefit will this person derive by supporting and committing to this vision?
How can I lead by example?
How could I be an inspiring example for the other person to follow?
What qualities will I have to exude?
What behaviors, decisions, and actions would I like the other person to model?
How can I equip this person with adequate knowledge, skills, and tools that would help them achieve a desired goal?
How can I be more authentic as a leader?
How can I be more vulnerable as a leader?
How can I be more encouraging as a leader?
How can I be more enthusiastic, joyful and lighthearted?
How could I make myself more approachable?
How could I connect with this person on a deeper emotional level?
How can I develop more trust with this person?
How could I be a better listener?
How could I demonstrate that I understand where the other person is coming from?
How could I gain this person’s respect and admiration?
How can I be more trusting of this person’s judgment?
How can I show this person that I trust in their ability to make the right decision?
How could I gamify tasks and projects to make them more fun, challenging, and interesting?
How could I encourage collaboration?
What can I do to get the best from this person in this situation?
What might I need to demonstrate to give this person an optimal path to follow?
How can I use the power of anticipation to build excitement and enthusiasm about the value of working towards this goal?
Develop Influence by Activating the 7 Human Desires
People who have influence over our lives are influential because they successfully activate compelling desires that drive us towards a desired outcome.
Think about the people who have had the greatest influence and impact on your life. In one way or another, these people were able to convince you to do things that others could not. They did this by effectively triggering one or more of the 7 Human Desires that drive action and build forward momentum.
These desires include the desire for change, contribution, congruence, connection, control, competence, and creative self-expression. Let’s explore each of these 7 desires in isolation.
CHANGE: People desire variety and change. They get bored when things are stagnant. To influence people, you must challenge them in a variety of ways. Generate interest using fun games and experiments that will give them the variety they are craving for.
CONTRIBUTION: People desire to contribute to a greater cause. They long to contribute to something bigger than themselves. To influence people, you must rally them behind a vision that gives them the opportunity to contribute and make a difference on a grander level.
CONGRUENCE: People desire to maintain a level of congruence that helps them stay consistent and true to themselves. To influence people, you need to first understand what they value. Then provide them with the freedom to be themselves in every situation.
CONNECTION: People desire to connect with others on a deep emotional level. They long to work in harmony with other people towards a mutually beneficial goal. To influence people, you need to give them the opportunity to connect and bond with like-minded individuals who are working towards the same or a similar objective.
CONTROL: People desire to have a level of control over what they do. They want to know and feel that they are in control of their destiny. To influence people, you need to encourage them to think independently and give them the freedom to make their own decisions.
COMPETENCE: People desire to feel competent. They want to feel capable and skilled enough to achieve a desired outcome. To influence people, you need to provide them with adequate tools, skills, and the knowledge they need to feel competent and confident that they can achieve anything they set their minds to.
CREATIVE SELF-EXPRESSION: People have a strong desire for creative self-expression. They want creative freedom to express themselves without worrying about judgment or criticism. To influence people, you need to inspire them to think creatively. Furthermore, you need to give them the time and space they need to think independently without the fear of judgment.
Becoming an influential figure in people’s lives requires the activation of these 7 human desires. You don’t necessarily need to activate each one of these desires in every situation. But the more of them you can arouse, the greater level of influence and impact you are likely to have.
Ultimately, it all comes down to showing a genuine interest in people. Demonstrate that you care about them and their wellbeing, and your influence will steadily grow stronger over time.
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